3.29.2007
...it's like when you think back over the years - say 6 years ago right now i was NOT in a good place...it was the lowest time of my life. i could have told you that any day. but when i read the 3 months of journal entries about that period, it's amazing how much you forget, gloss over, don't see when you're in the moment. jelena today is sitting here HITTING the jelena of 2001 for being so weak and walked-over...but then i guess that those months are what forced me into becoming the strong woman i am today.
i also found something i apparently wrote - but i can't make heads nor tails of it and have no clue when it was written either nor regarding whom -
live it again
feel it through their shoulders
falling forward and...
down in painful shock
the lights lights LIGHTS
hold you to reality - don't
let the grip loosen its angry hold on you
this beating, it's angry this beating
buh-dum buh-dum / heart....pound
pound...i am not the one
so you, sit, watch with your starbucks
latte and fierce cigarette
watch and send your well wishes -
your pity
your own distress.
for i hold on, the lights - a vise,
the voices - nails down a chalkboard,
the mirroring glass - a deathly warning
bah-dum...no end. not now.
i can only imagine there was a lot of meaning in that - but it may as well be magnet poetry left on the wall by the person who came through before you....
1 Comments:
what an intense poem. geeze. nice though.
