sunshine and rope swings

5.14.2007

...i guess on days like this you know who your friends are...

i keep meaning to take time...to do some of those things on my life list - not large, consequential to others kinds of things...but things i have on the list.

how that relates to what i want so say is tangential, at best.

it's tangled, it is. and somehow, in the most recent past - i feel negative things brewing around me...feelings hurt, friends mis-treated, favorites played, bad things happening to good people...and frankly, it scares the shit out of me.

anything and EVERYTHING that fell under those categories in anyone around me, i cleared away long ago....and now, i see and feel things bubbling up - in far too many, and unrelated, parts of life.

i thought that perhaps i'd been laughing in the sunshine too long and just had not noticed...but now, i think that it may be that, again, i expect too much good of others...and that those high standards are ready to crash down again....that and the fact that fate/life/what have you comes along and decimates people....and you never expect it.

just tonight, i found out something truly horrible that's happening to someone who was probably the most significant person of my young life....and again, in the same 36 hours, i feel this overwhelming sense of helplessness to make things better, to help avert pain, suffering.... and truly, all i want in the world is to offer something that makes things better - smiles, laughter, balance, hope, a lifting of burdens, health....and sometimes it's walls of propriety you hit, sometimes it's medical barriers, sometimes it's simple the blockade distance forces upon you....

and i don't have a clue....i can only try and do my best....but right now i see too many avenues where my best is not going to be enough.

jel | 9:55 PM | Comment(s) 0 comments

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